INSIDER’s VIEW:
A Wife’s Perspective: The War at Home.
Married to a Veteran suffering from PTSD.
A Wife UNDER ATTACK of Uncontrolled PTSD:
"His heart was wearing Combat Gear
which was locked and loaded,
Ready to Kill...
it was all aimed directly at me."
A Wife’s Perspective: The War at Home.
Married to a Veteran suffering from PTSD.
A Wife UNDER ATTACK of Uncontrolled PTSD:
"His heart was wearing Combat Gear
which was locked and loaded,
Ready to Kill...
it was all aimed directly at me."
Honoring Our American Soldiers
Our Soldiers take great risks to protect us.
They willingly volunteer THEIR OWN LIVES to Keep America Safe.
I feel immense gratitude for all of our brave American Soldiers.
When a Soldier Deploys for War...
Their families can't be sure what condition their Soldier would return in:
alive, dead or damaged?
What a relief, when they return completely unharmed!
Sometimes...
They only APPEAR to be unharmed.
Their wounds can remain unseen and undetected for weeks, months and years.
Many Soldiers return suffering from: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
A Soldier with PTSD, suffers with the chaos of war still brewing inside.
A Wife’s Perspective: The War at Home.
Married to a Veteran suffering from PTSD.
In 2005, I married an active duty Army Soldier who had previously served in combat during the Gulf War.
During our marriage, I felt grateful that he was never deployed to fight in the war. Although he wasn't sent to fight in THIS WAR...
he was still very much at War!
The Gulf War didn't really end...
the war continued...
it was still alive in OUR HOME.
The War has claimed another Casualty:
R.I.P.
My Marriage
June 27, 2005 - February 13, 2012
Did My Marriage REALLY become a Casualty of War?
___________________________________________
In my last two blogs: When It Feels Like Your Heart is Breaking
I Don't Want a Controlling Husband!
I have been sharing advice given to my Friend, who's also heading for divorce.
I notice the problems & situations in her "Military Marriage" are strikingly similar to what I experienced in my Military Marriage.
Analyzing the situations more closely...
Interesting NEW INSIGHTS to share!
____________________________________
Both Husbands were Brave American Soldiers...
Both Wives openly LOVED & ADORED THEM Intensely.
(honestly, this was unusual for both these ladies!)
Both Wives considered THIS GUY to be their Best Friend, Soul Mate,
the one she'd been waiting for, etc.
Both Wives later discovered he was a "Controlling Husband."
Both Husbands disagree strongly, insisting that they are NOT "controlling."
Both Husbands fit the classic clinical definition of "Controlling Husband."
Perhaps it's the LABEL they cannot accept?
_______________________________________
What is a "Controlling Husband?"
I'll give a NEW DEFINITION to this term...
by describing it from the WIFE's Perspective!
A Man Who:
PRIOR to meeting his wife, did not feel very Happy.
He meets her and feels HAPPINESS with her!
They marry and HIS WIFE absolutely adores him....
they enjoy feeling VERY HAPPY together!
She feels her Husband is her Soul Mate & Best Friend...
the Greatest Love of her life!
She Loves Him more INTENSELY than she thought possible.
She wishes to be Happily Married to him for the rest of her life,
for the first time in her life...
she doesn't even CONSIDER OTHER MEN.
The Wife is completely committed to him...
willing to do whatever it takes for their marriage to succeed.
For whatever reason...
the man began to feel Unhappy again.
When he expressed feelings of Anger and Unhappiness...
he often pointed out something his Wife wasn't doing right for him.
The Wife attempted to give her Husband what he said he wanted from her...
but regardless of compromises and changes she made...
he was usually still angry and unhappy.
The Wife LOVES her Husband and wants him to be happy.
in a continued effort to MAKE HIM HAPPY,
She compromises...
EACH TIME giving up little bits of things that MAKE HER FEEL HAPPY,
Over time... Those little bits add up!
The Wife continues in her attempt to make her Husband Happy...
She GIVES HER HAPPINESS to her Husband...
Although he seemed a little satisfied with each giving,
he still isn't happy!
The Husband could not accept HER HAPPINESS to make him feel Happy,
He has never known HAPPINESS Within Himself...
only the temporary "Happy Feeling" he gets from others.
The Husband believed that being married to her would make him HAPPY....
and it did... for awhile.
When the newness was gone...
He felt that familiar "Unhappy Ache" inside of his gut return.
He feels upset with his Wife...
She isn't making him Happy, as he believed she would.
He hasn't figured out that it's NOT really HER that is making him feel unhappy...
He was Unhappy BEFORE her...
His Unhappiness now is NOT because of her.
The Excitement of BEING WITH HER only distracted him for awhile.
He thinks about "HIS UNHAPPINESS,"
it must be because she's hurting him in some way...
he tries to demand she change something!
His demands become more Angry over time...
He keeps a record of wrongs stored up...
like an Arsenal he can use to "ATTACK HER" with at any time.
He doesn't appear to forgive anything.... EVER.
The Amazing Wonderful Romantic Man she had married...
doesn't show up very often anymore.
The man becomes increasingly Angry, Bitter and Resentful...
always looking to see how she's wronging him.
He's sure she's going to hurt him...
he watches for clues that she is.
While he does this...
he's treating her like she's done something horrible... but she hasn't!
She has done more to please him,
she gave him MORE than she ever wanted to...
none of it worked.
She's given up MOST or ALL THINGS that She Enjoyed Doing...
this includes "time with her friends.
Did he demand that she give that up?
NO... not necessarily,
but his unhappiness showed her that's what might make him happy...
so she surrendered that to him too.
He would throw a fit.... until she would submit!
Perhaps if ANY OF IT had worked...
if he had become happy...
Perhaps she would never have complained.
But he's still so Unhappy...
He's very Angry...
He yells alot...
He says mean things alot...
She doesn't take those seriously...
Because she knows he is just venting and doesn't mean it.
If she took him seriously...
Her heart would BREAK in two right then and there!
She gives her Husband most of Her Attention...
so much so that she doesn't feel it's OK to BE HERSELF anymore.
She feels like she can't breathe...
she tries to do something little just for her...
but he seems angry about it.
Sometimes...
Just so she can FEEL a LITTLE HAPPY again....
she sneaks to hang out with friends for a bit...
she laughs and feels free to be herself awhile...
been so long since she did that...
she forgets how different she's become.
She doesn't feel like she's a REAL PERSON anymore.
She gave up LIVING HER LIFE...
Attempting to have a LIFE WITH HIM.
She gave up HER HAPPINESS...
Attempting to have a HAPPY MARRIAGE with HIM.
After all she has done in attempts to PLEASE HIM...
She feels AMBUSHED when he STRIKES...
He suddenly treats her like she was the Worst Wife Ever...
He is ANGRY with her...
Refusing to acknowledge anything GOOD she ever did...
Pulling out his Arsenal...
He ATTACKS HER...
How Can He DO THAT to a woman he LOVES?
This does NOT resemble LOVE...
not even a little bit...
This looks familiar...
What is it???
This man that she married...
The Brave American Soldier...
He Loves His Beautiful Country...
He would give his Life Defending it...
While Preserving Freedom...
He would Do Whatever it Takes...
He would keep fighting fiercely...
Surrender is NEVER an option!
He'd keep fighting til the End...
He focuses on the Enemy...
He Continues Striking...
Til the Enemy is beaten down...
and Forced to Retreat...
Forced into Submission...
It's All Out War...
til they Surrender...
WAIT... this sounds familiar!
The Brave Soldier that she married...
Who FIGHTS FIERCELY for LOVE of Country...
While At home...
He would fight also for LOVE of His Wife...
The Warrior began fighting...
To Defend His Marriage...
He is an amazing Soldier...
Trained so well, his reflexes are automatic,
He began Fighting for his Happy Marriage...
The ways of Love seemed to vanish...
As the Warrior began to Fight...
He apparently had forgotten...
He is fighting HIS WIFE!
Seem hard to imagine???
During MY DIVORCE...
The line between LOVE and WAR became so blurred...
that My Husband declared “No Quarter!"
Defined according to Wikipedia:
No quarter, or "Take no prisoners", or "no mercy", or "kill them all":
all enemy troops are to be killed, even those who surrender.
It is now a war crime to give such an order.
From THIS WIFE's Perspective...
It was a War at Home!
written by: Jennifer Kruse, LMT CRMT
click here to Visit Jen's Blog!
Like this?
Jen is available to SPEAK on this topic and many others.
As a Holistic Healer, Teacher & Practitioner of many Alternative Medicine Modalities...
Jen Helps People Connect & Understand Aspects of SELF
in a Profound Healing Experience.
Helping YOU Transform Your Life!
Interested in scheduling an Event or Class?
Call Jen at (701) 371-3111
www.JenniferKruse.com
www.Aspire2Heal.com
Our Soldiers take great risks to protect us.
They willingly volunteer THEIR OWN LIVES to Keep America Safe.
I feel immense gratitude for all of our brave American Soldiers.
When a Soldier Deploys for War...
Their families can't be sure what condition their Soldier would return in:
alive, dead or damaged?
What a relief, when they return completely unharmed!
Sometimes...
They only APPEAR to be unharmed.
Their wounds can remain unseen and undetected for weeks, months and years.
Many Soldiers return suffering from: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
A Soldier with PTSD, suffers with the chaos of war still brewing inside.
A Wife’s Perspective: The War at Home.
Married to a Veteran suffering from PTSD.
In 2005, I married an active duty Army Soldier who had previously served in combat during the Gulf War.
During our marriage, I felt grateful that he was never deployed to fight in the war. Although he wasn't sent to fight in THIS WAR...
he was still very much at War!
The Gulf War didn't really end...
the war continued...
it was still alive in OUR HOME.
The War has claimed another Casualty:
R.I.P.
My Marriage
June 27, 2005 - February 13, 2012
Did My Marriage REALLY become a Casualty of War?
___________________________________________
In my last two blogs: When It Feels Like Your Heart is Breaking
I Don't Want a Controlling Husband!
I have been sharing advice given to my Friend, who's also heading for divorce.
I notice the problems & situations in her "Military Marriage" are strikingly similar to what I experienced in my Military Marriage.
Analyzing the situations more closely...
Interesting NEW INSIGHTS to share!
____________________________________
Both Husbands were Brave American Soldiers...
Both Wives openly LOVED & ADORED THEM Intensely.
(honestly, this was unusual for both these ladies!)
Both Wives considered THIS GUY to be their Best Friend, Soul Mate,
the one she'd been waiting for, etc.
Both Wives later discovered he was a "Controlling Husband."
Both Husbands disagree strongly, insisting that they are NOT "controlling."
Both Husbands fit the classic clinical definition of "Controlling Husband."
Perhaps it's the LABEL they cannot accept?
_______________________________________
What is a "Controlling Husband?"
I'll give a NEW DEFINITION to this term...
by describing it from the WIFE's Perspective!
A Man Who:
PRIOR to meeting his wife, did not feel very Happy.
He meets her and feels HAPPINESS with her!
They marry and HIS WIFE absolutely adores him....
they enjoy feeling VERY HAPPY together!
She feels her Husband is her Soul Mate & Best Friend...
the Greatest Love of her life!
She Loves Him more INTENSELY than she thought possible.
She wishes to be Happily Married to him for the rest of her life,
for the first time in her life...
she doesn't even CONSIDER OTHER MEN.
The Wife is completely committed to him...
willing to do whatever it takes for their marriage to succeed.
For whatever reason...
the man began to feel Unhappy again.
When he expressed feelings of Anger and Unhappiness...
he often pointed out something his Wife wasn't doing right for him.
The Wife attempted to give her Husband what he said he wanted from her...
but regardless of compromises and changes she made...
he was usually still angry and unhappy.
The Wife LOVES her Husband and wants him to be happy.
in a continued effort to MAKE HIM HAPPY,
She compromises...
EACH TIME giving up little bits of things that MAKE HER FEEL HAPPY,
Over time... Those little bits add up!
The Wife continues in her attempt to make her Husband Happy...
She GIVES HER HAPPINESS to her Husband...
Although he seemed a little satisfied with each giving,
he still isn't happy!
The Husband could not accept HER HAPPINESS to make him feel Happy,
He has never known HAPPINESS Within Himself...
only the temporary "Happy Feeling" he gets from others.
The Husband believed that being married to her would make him HAPPY....
and it did... for awhile.
When the newness was gone...
He felt that familiar "Unhappy Ache" inside of his gut return.
He feels upset with his Wife...
She isn't making him Happy, as he believed she would.
He hasn't figured out that it's NOT really HER that is making him feel unhappy...
He was Unhappy BEFORE her...
His Unhappiness now is NOT because of her.
The Excitement of BEING WITH HER only distracted him for awhile.
He thinks about "HIS UNHAPPINESS,"
it must be because she's hurting him in some way...
he tries to demand she change something!
His demands become more Angry over time...
He keeps a record of wrongs stored up...
like an Arsenal he can use to "ATTACK HER" with at any time.
He doesn't appear to forgive anything.... EVER.
The Amazing Wonderful Romantic Man she had married...
doesn't show up very often anymore.
The man becomes increasingly Angry, Bitter and Resentful...
always looking to see how she's wronging him.
He's sure she's going to hurt him...
he watches for clues that she is.
While he does this...
he's treating her like she's done something horrible... but she hasn't!
She has done more to please him,
she gave him MORE than she ever wanted to...
none of it worked.
She's given up MOST or ALL THINGS that She Enjoyed Doing...
this includes "time with her friends.
Did he demand that she give that up?
NO... not necessarily,
but his unhappiness showed her that's what might make him happy...
so she surrendered that to him too.
He would throw a fit.... until she would submit!
Perhaps if ANY OF IT had worked...
if he had become happy...
Perhaps she would never have complained.
But he's still so Unhappy...
He's very Angry...
He yells alot...
He says mean things alot...
She doesn't take those seriously...
Because she knows he is just venting and doesn't mean it.
If she took him seriously...
Her heart would BREAK in two right then and there!
She gives her Husband most of Her Attention...
so much so that she doesn't feel it's OK to BE HERSELF anymore.
She feels like she can't breathe...
she tries to do something little just for her...
but he seems angry about it.
Sometimes...
Just so she can FEEL a LITTLE HAPPY again....
she sneaks to hang out with friends for a bit...
she laughs and feels free to be herself awhile...
been so long since she did that...
she forgets how different she's become.
She doesn't feel like she's a REAL PERSON anymore.
She gave up LIVING HER LIFE...
Attempting to have a LIFE WITH HIM.
She gave up HER HAPPINESS...
Attempting to have a HAPPY MARRIAGE with HIM.
After all she has done in attempts to PLEASE HIM...
She feels AMBUSHED when he STRIKES...
He suddenly treats her like she was the Worst Wife Ever...
He is ANGRY with her...
Refusing to acknowledge anything GOOD she ever did...
Pulling out his Arsenal...
He ATTACKS HER...
How Can He DO THAT to a woman he LOVES?
This does NOT resemble LOVE...
not even a little bit...
This looks familiar...
What is it???
This man that she married...
The Brave American Soldier...
He Loves His Beautiful Country...
He would give his Life Defending it...
While Preserving Freedom...
He would Do Whatever it Takes...
He would keep fighting fiercely...
Surrender is NEVER an option!
He'd keep fighting til the End...
He focuses on the Enemy...
He Continues Striking...
Til the Enemy is beaten down...
and Forced to Retreat...
Forced into Submission...
It's All Out War...
til they Surrender...
WAIT... this sounds familiar!
The Brave Soldier that she married...
Who FIGHTS FIERCELY for LOVE of Country...
While At home...
He would fight also for LOVE of His Wife...
The Warrior began fighting...
To Defend His Marriage...
He is an amazing Soldier...
Trained so well, his reflexes are automatic,
He began Fighting for his Happy Marriage...
The ways of Love seemed to vanish...
As the Warrior began to Fight...
He apparently had forgotten...
He is fighting HIS WIFE!
Seem hard to imagine???
During MY DIVORCE...
The line between LOVE and WAR became so blurred...
that My Husband declared “No Quarter!"
Defined according to Wikipedia:
No quarter, or "Take no prisoners", or "no mercy", or "kill them all":
all enemy troops are to be killed, even those who surrender.
It is now a war crime to give such an order.
From THIS WIFE's Perspective...
It was a War at Home!
written by: Jennifer Kruse, LMT CRMT
click here to Visit Jen's Blog!
Like this?
Jen is available to SPEAK on this topic and many others.
As a Holistic Healer, Teacher & Practitioner of many Alternative Medicine Modalities...
Jen Helps People Connect & Understand Aspects of SELF
in a Profound Healing Experience.
Helping YOU Transform Your Life!
Interested in scheduling an Event or Class?
Call Jen at (701) 371-3111
www.JenniferKruse.com
www.Aspire2Heal.com
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