Have you ever lived a Life of Extreme Opposites?
Do you find yourself scrambling to put out one fire after another? Does Chaos seem to surround those around you?
Do you find yourself scrambling to put out one fire after another? Does Chaos seem to surround those around you?
I found myself trapped, running in circles, like a hamster in a wheel... running and running... getting worn out, but never really getting to where I wanted to go. Funny thing is that I didn't realize I was in a "hamster wheel" at all. I was always so busy scrambling around... jumping from one Extreme situation to another. I didn't take the time to stop and look... or I would have noticed sooner that I was hopelessly running in circles.... caught within the Circle of Extreme Opposites.
I am being set free from that Hamster Wheel of Extreme Opposites... the final exit is in sight! I now Understand what it's like,. Living a life of Extreme Opposites...
The man I married... he was the most Loving, Romantic, Wonderful & Perfect Husband... I had never felt so special or so loved in all my life! I could not imagine how a woman could have discarded him like yesterday's trash... he was such a treasure!
His 3rd X-wife contacted me saying, "RUN!" She described him as an Angry, Controlling, Demanding, Unforgiving, Jealous & Abusive Husband. I thought she was just trying to scare me away, because THAT was the exact OPPOSITE of the man I had fallen in love with. The story he told about her, she had done horrible things to him and the kids, while he remained the sainted victim. Why should I have listened to someone like her?
I realize now... I had only met HALF the man I married. Marrying him was kinda like entering The Twilight Zone (erie music playing)...
I entered the Circle of Extreme Opposites.
Things were either REALLY REALLY GOOD or REALLY REALLY BAD.
He was so Giving OR He'd Take Everything!
I was the GREATEST WIFE on the planet OR the WORST.
He was either TOTALLY IN LOVE with me OR He seemed to hate my guts.
I began scrambling to try to please him, the transition from one extreme to the other was unpredictable. I couldn't seem to keep up, pleasing him became more and more impossible. He sought counseling for his anger problem, which did help for awhile.... but I think he also needed help learning how to forgive & release old hurts. I had wished to help him to find that MIDDLE PLACE where true Inner Peace exists.
I do not believe he is a "bad guy," he's just been carrying around a lifetime of hurts and applying them to his new experiences. I've written before about helping others who are READY to change themselves, he has not been ready. I've heard it said that the definition of "someone in hell" is those who suffer without realizing why they continue to suffer. As long as they stay within the "victim-role," they aren't truly searching for and applying the life lesson which would better their life.
At the divorce stage, he is still circling from one extreme to the next. It was so important to him that we settle the terms of our divorce together without lawyers. I agreed that was the best option. We were beginning negotiations. I told him where I would like to start and BUILD UPON there, as we designed our settlement together. I felt he would feel better about a settlement if he came up with it, instead of me demanding something he was forced to do. His offer came in last Wednesday, he said it was truly fair, but it was less than half of what I had said I was willing to build upon. I was very insulted and attempted to reply in a nice way, it was the hardest thing to do! It kept coming out so extreme! Why? Later, I realized it was because it had to be, in order to balance the equally extreme opposite joke he had sent.
His FIRST OFFER was entitled: FINAL OFFER.
When I did not accept it, he had me served divorce papers immediately, demanding we let the court figure it out then! Does one offer constitute an attempt to negotiate? Should I really be surprised? NOPE, this had become the "norm" in my marriage to Mr Extreme. Negotiate under his definition has usually meant, "I'll throw a fit until you submit!" What he hasn't quite realized yet is that I usually gave in to keep the peace in our marriage... to try to work things out between us. That reason has obviously been eliminated from this equation.
He said he wanted this over quick, but his actions chose the long road. Once a settlement was agreed upon, we were 2-3 weeks from finalizing it. Instead, now we are on our way to court. Last divorce I saw go through the courts took THREE YEARS to fight out. Why did he choose for things to be so extreme?
Does he know that there is a MIDDLE PLACE?
That is where TRUE HAPPINESS exists... where relationships are not roller-coasters which start out GREAT, but derail before the end of every ride. What is the path leading from the Circle of Extremes to the Middle Place? It is the road of Understanding, Compassion & Forgiveness.... mixed with the courage to make changes to SELF.
There is an old story of a philospher who stood at the gate of an ancient city greeting travelers who wished to enter the city. One of them asked him:
"What kind of people live in your city?"
The philospher met the question with a counter question:
"What kind of people lived in the city from whence you came?"
"Oh they were very bad people," answered the traveler, "cruel, deceitful and devil-worshipping."
"That's the kind of people who live in this city," declared the philosopher.
Another traveler came by and asked the same question, the philosopher replied:
"What kind of people live in the city from whence you came?"
"Oh, they were very good people," answered this second traveler, "they were kind, truthful & God-loving."
"That's the kind of people who live in this city," declared the philosopher.
This makes me look at our relationship so much differently... it will likely help me in future choices also! When a man asks me, "What kind of a wife will you make?"
I shall ask, "What were the wives like in the marriages from whence you came?"
Whether his answer is very good or very bad... "that's the kind of wife I would be to him"
A wife would not become an X-wife unless there was trouble in the marriage ... but unless the man has discovered that MIDDLE PLACE of understanding how & where he keeps getting it wrong, applying Changes to SELF ... how could he ever perceive a wife without the EXTREMES from whence he came?
Article Written By: Jennifer Kruse, LMT CRMT
(701) 371-3111
www.JenniferKruse.com
www.Aspire2Heal.com
I am being set free from that Hamster Wheel of Extreme Opposites... the final exit is in sight! I now Understand what it's like,. Living a life of Extreme Opposites...
The man I married... he was the most Loving, Romantic, Wonderful & Perfect Husband... I had never felt so special or so loved in all my life! I could not imagine how a woman could have discarded him like yesterday's trash... he was such a treasure!
His 3rd X-wife contacted me saying, "RUN!" She described him as an Angry, Controlling, Demanding, Unforgiving, Jealous & Abusive Husband. I thought she was just trying to scare me away, because THAT was the exact OPPOSITE of the man I had fallen in love with. The story he told about her, she had done horrible things to him and the kids, while he remained the sainted victim. Why should I have listened to someone like her?
I realize now... I had only met HALF the man I married. Marrying him was kinda like entering The Twilight Zone (erie music playing)...
I entered the Circle of Extreme Opposites.
Things were either REALLY REALLY GOOD or REALLY REALLY BAD.
He was so Giving OR He'd Take Everything!
I was the GREATEST WIFE on the planet OR the WORST.
He was either TOTALLY IN LOVE with me OR He seemed to hate my guts.
I began scrambling to try to please him, the transition from one extreme to the other was unpredictable. I couldn't seem to keep up, pleasing him became more and more impossible. He sought counseling for his anger problem, which did help for awhile.... but I think he also needed help learning how to forgive & release old hurts. I had wished to help him to find that MIDDLE PLACE where true Inner Peace exists.
I do not believe he is a "bad guy," he's just been carrying around a lifetime of hurts and applying them to his new experiences. I've written before about helping others who are READY to change themselves, he has not been ready. I've heard it said that the definition of "someone in hell" is those who suffer without realizing why they continue to suffer. As long as they stay within the "victim-role," they aren't truly searching for and applying the life lesson which would better their life.
At the divorce stage, he is still circling from one extreme to the next. It was so important to him that we settle the terms of our divorce together without lawyers. I agreed that was the best option. We were beginning negotiations. I told him where I would like to start and BUILD UPON there, as we designed our settlement together. I felt he would feel better about a settlement if he came up with it, instead of me demanding something he was forced to do. His offer came in last Wednesday, he said it was truly fair, but it was less than half of what I had said I was willing to build upon. I was very insulted and attempted to reply in a nice way, it was the hardest thing to do! It kept coming out so extreme! Why? Later, I realized it was because it had to be, in order to balance the equally extreme opposite joke he had sent.
His FIRST OFFER was entitled: FINAL OFFER.
When I did not accept it, he had me served divorce papers immediately, demanding we let the court figure it out then! Does one offer constitute an attempt to negotiate? Should I really be surprised? NOPE, this had become the "norm" in my marriage to Mr Extreme. Negotiate under his definition has usually meant, "I'll throw a fit until you submit!" What he hasn't quite realized yet is that I usually gave in to keep the peace in our marriage... to try to work things out between us. That reason has obviously been eliminated from this equation.
He said he wanted this over quick, but his actions chose the long road. Once a settlement was agreed upon, we were 2-3 weeks from finalizing it. Instead, now we are on our way to court. Last divorce I saw go through the courts took THREE YEARS to fight out. Why did he choose for things to be so extreme?
Does he know that there is a MIDDLE PLACE?
That is where TRUE HAPPINESS exists... where relationships are not roller-coasters which start out GREAT, but derail before the end of every ride. What is the path leading from the Circle of Extremes to the Middle Place? It is the road of Understanding, Compassion & Forgiveness.... mixed with the courage to make changes to SELF.
There is an old story of a philospher who stood at the gate of an ancient city greeting travelers who wished to enter the city. One of them asked him:
"What kind of people live in your city?"
The philospher met the question with a counter question:
"What kind of people lived in the city from whence you came?"
"Oh they were very bad people," answered the traveler, "cruel, deceitful and devil-worshipping."
"That's the kind of people who live in this city," declared the philosopher.
Another traveler came by and asked the same question, the philosopher replied:
"What kind of people live in the city from whence you came?"
"Oh, they were very good people," answered this second traveler, "they were kind, truthful & God-loving."
"That's the kind of people who live in this city," declared the philosopher.
This makes me look at our relationship so much differently... it will likely help me in future choices also! When a man asks me, "What kind of a wife will you make?"
I shall ask, "What were the wives like in the marriages from whence you came?"
Whether his answer is very good or very bad... "that's the kind of wife I would be to him"
A wife would not become an X-wife unless there was trouble in the marriage ... but unless the man has discovered that MIDDLE PLACE of understanding how & where he keeps getting it wrong, applying Changes to SELF ... how could he ever perceive a wife without the EXTREMES from whence he came?
Article Written By: Jennifer Kruse, LMT CRMT
(701) 371-3111
www.JenniferKruse.com
www.Aspire2Heal.com
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