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Controlling Husbands are NOT “Bad Guys!” ~ Holistic Healing View by: Jen Kruse, LMT CRMT

3/10/2012

4 Comments

 

See Controlling Husbands in a way that helps. 
Want it to get better?  READ THIS!

Picture
Controlling Husbands are 
NOT “Bad Guys!”


They cannot become 
“Controlling Husbands” without first being 
GIVEN 
something to Control.  

Who Actually Decides they WANT to have a Controlling Marriage? 
NOBODY DOES!!! 
Husband & Wife don't realize it's happening... until it's too late!  
Don't let this happen in YOUR Marriage! 
Here's what you need to know... 


The best solution to avoid this problem is to: 
     Understand  How & Why it happens...


Identify:   What CAUSES this problem?

 Like a bartender or hairstylist, People tell their Massage Therapist EVERYTHING.  They share their:
                         hopes & dreams
                                    worries & fears
                                              life’s blessings & problems
They often CONFESS their imperfections & wrong-doings. 
    It's all confidential, a safe place to get things off their chest.


In all these years, there isn’t much that I haven’t heard. 
    One thing I’ve NEVER heard a man say…
                        “I’m a Controlling Husband.”

For all the women who "CLAIM" to have had a “Controlling Husband,” 
         shouldn’t those men be CONFESSING THAT too?  


In twelve years… 
     Someone should have confessed that to me by now!

This leads me to believe that:
                             Men NEVER 
              consider themselves to be a 
             “Controlling Husband.”

The term - “Controlling Husband,” is actually flawed.  
These guys are getting a “bad rap,” let’s set this straight.
A “Controlling Husband” is created through a
 failing relationship.

What was he like before that?

He was a man who BELIEVED that he would finally:
"BE HAPPY" when he had the “RIGHT WOMAN.”

            That’s NOT the definition of a “bad guy!”  
He’s just a guy who looked forward to Being Happy!  

“The Guy” isn't the problem here... 
             it’s only the “Belief” which is flawed!


   The "RIGHT WOMAN" will NOT "Make Him Happy."
       That "Belief" can destroy their Relationship!

 Happiness MUST BE found WITHIN SELF…
                          it is NEVER found Outside of SELF! 
     He is the only person who can "Make Him Happy. 
    Happiness can only be shared between Happy People.
     ________________________________ 
If a man marries BELIEVING that he will finally:
"BE HAPPY" now that he has the “RIGHT WOMAN.” 

He believes that she is the "RIGHT WOMAN,"
          being married to her will “Make Him Happy.”

The excitement of "being with her" distracts him for awhile, 
     he believes this feeling is "Happiness."  

When the newness of their relationship wears off... 
    he begins to feel his Unhappiness again.

Since he knows that he's married to the "Right Woman," 

he feels confused...
       His BELIEF says:    He should be HAPPY!  

If he's not feeling Happy...

     His BELIEF says:  She must be doing something wrong!  
 
He attempts to figure out what she should "do better."

In an attempt to have a "Happy Marriage," he lets her know what she should be doing differently to "Make Him Happy."

Her desire to have a happy marriage is strong, so when her Husband is upset,
              She complies, attempting to "Make Him Happy."
She compromises...  
    Giving up a small portion of something she enjoys.   

Over time...
       These compromises really add up to a lot of "CONTROL." 

He feels pleased to see that she wants to "Make Him Happy," 

      so he is sure he will "FEEL HAPPY" very soon!  

When he doesn't....
 he continues trying to identify:  "What SHE is doing wrong."

His BELIEF says:  If she was doing it right, he would be happy.

           She isn't doing ANYTHING WRONG!

   He was UNHAPPY Before Her... NOT because of Her!

Unless they figure this out:
No matter what she does... 
    SHE will NEVER be able to "Make Him Happy," 
         then this cycle will continue until one of them gives up. 

The Usual Result?

The man becomes a "Controlling Husband!"
Remember... 
       “Controlling Husbands” are NOT “Bad Guys!”

As a matter of fact...
       they are usually extremely “WONDERFUL GUYS!”  

He would have to be pretty WONDERFUL in order for a strong independent  woman to FREELY GIVE UP CONTROL to Him! 


When we STOP identifying "Controlling Husbands" 
as Bad Guys...  
        We see they just had a "Faulty Belief."

If he knew WHY he wasn't FEELING HAPPY...
    he never would have become a "Controlling Husband!"

If she knew WHY he wasn't FEELING HAPPY...
    she never would have become a "Controlled Wife!"

The fact that their marriage ended up "this bad," 
only provides PROOF that these people kept trying 
the "wrong solution" for a long time!  
They must have really LOVED EACH OTHER intensely! 

If They had Identified the REAL PROBLEM earlier...
    Dedicated their efforts instead to the
            "CORRECT SOLUTION,"
   They probably would have lived "Happily Ever After!" 
       _______________________________________

If someone has Control Over You… 
                     it is because YOU gave it to them.  

If you gave someone Control Over You...
                     you were just trying the "WRONG SOLUTION!"

If someone has too much Control Over You… take it back! 

Together... 
     Identify the REAL PROBLEM...
         so that you may FORGIVE EACH OTHER...
            and begin again with the "CORRECT SOLUTION!"

May You Find Happiness, Peace & Love... 
                                                it's within YOU! 
                      ~ Love & Light ~

written by:   Jennifer Kruse, LMT CRMT
                                                   click here to Visit Jen's Blog!

Like this?
Jen is available to SPEAK on this topic and many others. 

As a Holistic Healer, Teacher & Practitioner of many Alternative Medicine Modalities...
      Jen Helps People Connect & Understand Aspects of SELF 
                      in a Profound Healing Experience. 

          Helping YOU Transform Your Life!

Interested in scheduling an Event or Class?
Call Jen at (701) 371-3111

www.JenniferKruse.com
www.Aspire2Heal.com    
Share This
4 Comments
Rick R
3/12/2012 06:19:12 am

Very well said and understandable. Very descriptive and paints a good picture of what happens most of the time. Well said, well said!

Reply
Jennifer Kruse
5/30/2012 01:00:13 am

WHY did I write: Controlling Husbands are NOT "Bad Guys!" ??

1.) To Expose HOW & WHY IT HAPPENED.
2.) To Show that a Controlling Spouse does NOT consciously choose for their relationship to become strained.

But the BIGGEST REASON I wrote it...
I've known MANY couples who struggled with this in their relationship. Often if they go to marriage counseling... usually the controlling spouse storms out early, refusing to return ever again OR if make it through the whole session, refuses to go back again.
WHY???
It's because the controlling spouse, has an opinion about "controlling husbands," he thinks they are abusive and he doesn't like people who do that. Sometime during their appointment, he became aware that he was a "controlling husband" too.
He doesn't like that, can't see how it's true, because in his perception... he's the one who is being hurt.
He refuses to go back, because he feels like they are labeling him as a "controlling husband," which he probably envisions as a man who beats up his wife. He feels insulted and hurt by the idea of it.

I understand WHY many of these people refuse to seek more counseling... it's because they BELIEVE that "controlling husbands" are "BAD GUYS!"
I'm here to tell EVERYONE... THEY ARE NOT!!!!
Exposing HOW & WHY it happens within relationships, shows just how innocently it began!

Knowing HOW IT BEGAN... people have the POWER to Understand and FORGIVE EACH OTHER for things that happened in the past.
AND they have the POWER to CHANGE THEIR RELATIONSHIP from here forward.

Hope that this clarifies any questions that people have about this topic... :)
May you have much LOVE & PEACE in your life! :)
Jennifer Kruse, LMT CRMT

Reply
carol
11/30/2013 09:55:40 am

Interesting angle of this problem. Why is he unhappy in the first place?

Reply
Jennifer Kruse
12/5/2013 10:44:29 pm

Great question Carol.
In general, I believe most are dissatisfied, always looking forward to when they will be happy, never understanding what happiness really is or what it isn't.

The Promise of Happiness to come is merely an illusion of happiness, a proverbial carrot tied to a stick and dangled in front of the donkey to keep him moving forward, believing each step gets him closer to the tasty carrot, but it doesn't.

Since they never really receive the happiness they expected to receive, they assume it is someone else's fault and attempt to figure out what they could do better. They don't realize they are looking for happiness in all the wrong places & what they expect is an impossible task.
Does that answer your question?

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